I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
