my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is wine microwaveable?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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