Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
