How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
