you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
