the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
