I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I stole a fireplace last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
