Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
