The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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