it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
