bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize