I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
