I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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