she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
