you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
