We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
