She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
