So drunk its hurt
My Higher Power is John Stamos
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
