my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
