just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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