Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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