You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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