im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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