hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
