dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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