If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
