Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
