i barfeds in our rink
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
