...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
