I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
