You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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