living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
