YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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