I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
