I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
