In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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