his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
