I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
