i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
