tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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