ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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