doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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