the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
