please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
