This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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