She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
