how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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