I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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