I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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