i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This toilet bowl is my home.
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