I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
