I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
