Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
