the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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