Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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