who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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