what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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