I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
