WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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