dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize