A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
