My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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