ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
