i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
