That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
