I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize