Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
