DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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