Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
