party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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