i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this will be a night to untag.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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