did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How does it feel to date your dad?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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