Your tits are I can't wait for
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize