Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
