paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize