I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
