shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
