just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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