So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
