please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
