Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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