i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
