i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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