I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
