the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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