so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
